The Point of No Return...
Posted Sep 9, 2010 7:42am
And so here we are on day three of The Big Ugly. Because of a recent inability to see beyond the next 15 minutes or so, I have no idea what this day will bring. (Livin’ in the now, how very Zen!) I have, however, had nothing but time to reflect on all that has happened, and am happy to report that Philip and I have crossed through the Point of No Return, and we have arrived on the other side! We crossed the Event Horizon! We were not consumed by the Void! We were not torn to bits by the unknown nothingness of What Lies Beyond. Nope. A little worse for wear, perhaps, but we are alive and according to the medical staff, well.
Phil lost - and subsequently received – a lot of blood during the procedure, and in the morning they were not happy with his numbers, so breakfast was a pint of O negative. He was on the respirator for most of the day, while they slowly weaned it down and gave him a sporting chance to take over the activity of breathing. In order to facilitate his cooperation, they cut back on the morphine drip, leaving nothing but the self-administered dose. Kind of a “wake up and breathe!” thing. Do you know this little trooper went over FOUR hours without a dose?? Watching this kid I have learned that strength has approximately nothing to do with your physical condition. But he’s so busted here. For those of you who know Phil on a daily basis, you know what a whiner he can be about this hurts, and that hurts. And yet here he is, all cut to pieces and he’s refusing pain meds. Hmmmm……gotcha, buddy!
We then played the Waiting Game for most of the day. Not much fun, this game. Kinda boring and frustrating, actually. But play we did, and finally were given the Respiratory Edict to remove the tube. And yes, the tape on the face is the most difficult part.
Phil began to speak immediately, politely saying, “Okay” to the nurse who asked how that was. Then looking at me, his eyes widening and saying, “My (expletive deleted) back hurts!” I’ve never been so happy to hear him cuss…all I could think of was…"He’s back!”
And about your back, Phil…he’s been asking more questions now that he can speak, and I see some subtle changes in his person. I am seeing glimpses of the way something of this magnitude strips away the outer layers of things that we hide behind, from platitudes to societal proprieties to the naked person we are – like the skin horse from the Velveteen Rabbit, getting all our hair loved off. I think life affords us all the opportunity for it, but for someone like Phil, he has no choice. And to see him daily accepting things that are just not acceptable to most of us; handling it with all the grace you are ever gonna see in a 12-year-old boy…(the song says it all)…If God Made You, He’s in Love with Me. And Amen.
Today he continues to run a low-grade fever, which is normal. His yucky drainage is diminishing. His labs look good. He is breathing all by his spunky self. He is using the cough-assist machine to clear his lungs when needed. His swelling is going down, and we know he will be amused at the pictures, say, around Christmas time. As I said, I have no clue what to expect today as far as the medical goal, so I may post that when the powers-that-be let me know.
And thank you all so much for following along, here…it’s been such wonderful encouragement for us. This has been a really freaked-out scary time, but like I said – we’ve made it through to the other side, and so far, it’s all Okay!
Phil lost - and subsequently received – a lot of blood during the procedure, and in the morning they were not happy with his numbers, so breakfast was a pint of O negative. He was on the respirator for most of the day, while they slowly weaned it down and gave him a sporting chance to take over the activity of breathing. In order to facilitate his cooperation, they cut back on the morphine drip, leaving nothing but the self-administered dose. Kind of a “wake up and breathe!” thing. Do you know this little trooper went over FOUR hours without a dose?? Watching this kid I have learned that strength has approximately nothing to do with your physical condition. But he’s so busted here. For those of you who know Phil on a daily basis, you know what a whiner he can be about this hurts, and that hurts. And yet here he is, all cut to pieces and he’s refusing pain meds. Hmmmm……gotcha, buddy!
We then played the Waiting Game for most of the day. Not much fun, this game. Kinda boring and frustrating, actually. But play we did, and finally were given the Respiratory Edict to remove the tube. And yes, the tape on the face is the most difficult part.
Phil began to speak immediately, politely saying, “Okay” to the nurse who asked how that was. Then looking at me, his eyes widening and saying, “My (expletive deleted) back hurts!” I’ve never been so happy to hear him cuss…all I could think of was…"He’s back!”
And about your back, Phil…he’s been asking more questions now that he can speak, and I see some subtle changes in his person. I am seeing glimpses of the way something of this magnitude strips away the outer layers of things that we hide behind, from platitudes to societal proprieties to the naked person we are – like the skin horse from the Velveteen Rabbit, getting all our hair loved off. I think life affords us all the opportunity for it, but for someone like Phil, he has no choice. And to see him daily accepting things that are just not acceptable to most of us; handling it with all the grace you are ever gonna see in a 12-year-old boy…(the song says it all)…If God Made You, He’s in Love with Me. And Amen.
Today he continues to run a low-grade fever, which is normal. His yucky drainage is diminishing. His labs look good. He is breathing all by his spunky self. He is using the cough-assist machine to clear his lungs when needed. His swelling is going down, and we know he will be amused at the pictures, say, around Christmas time. As I said, I have no clue what to expect today as far as the medical goal, so I may post that when the powers-that-be let me know.
And thank you all so much for following along, here…it’s been such wonderful encouragement for us. This has been a really freaked-out scary time, but like I said – we’ve made it through to the other side, and so far, it’s all Okay!
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